"Quick, Betty, get the telly on ... Pat Nevin's pullin' the away teams in the Scottish Cup draw."
Be honest. Have you ever tuned into a cup draw because of who may or may not be pulling the balls from the bowl? Be more honest, unless there's a chance of another car-crash appearance from Rod Stewart, do you care who makes the draw in the future?
No, of course you don't. All you really care about is who your team gets ... and hope it's a home draw (if you are a Rangers(2012) fan that's virtually guaranteed).
Last night I headed off to my bed like, I suspect, a whole lot of Hearts fans thinking 'Why the hell should I give a shit when the players clearly aren't?'
As Shakespeare once noted: Something is rotten in the state of Denmark. But then, after only five minutes in my scratcher, I had one of those epiphany jobs.
The way to fix the current malaise is as simple as it is complicated (bear with me).
if a player needs convinced to fight and to scrap and to want to win the ball, then he won’t be playing for Hearts.
They say actions speak louder than words. In fact, there is evidence to suggest that people have being saying that - albeit in slightly different words - since the Bible was first written.
The bottom line though is, it's true, actions, do indeed, speak louder than words.
After Wednesday night's horrible capitulation, a few people within the Hearts playing and coaching staff have said some pretty loud words.
In the immediate aftermath of that Scottish Cup exit, head coach, Ian Cathro said "...if a player needs convinced to fight and to scrap and to want to win the ball, then he won’t be playing for Hearts."
Well, Mr Cathro, after yesterday's result against Partick Thistle, those words now, very seriously, need to be acted on.
I have a theory ... or, at least, I HAD a theory.
Anybody who knows me will tell you that, in terms of the build-up to Edinburgh Derbies I am, and always have been, incredibly pessimistic. Yesterday was no different. As usual, I told anybody who would listen that I saw us exiting the Scottish Cup at Easter Road last night but, this time, although still feeling the worst, I allowed myself a little hope.
That theory was the cause of my hope ... it will now be filed away under Don't be so bloody stupid, this is Hearts you are talking about.