"Quick, Betty, get the telly on ... Pat Nevin's pullin' the away teams in the Scottish Cup draw."
Be honest. Have you ever tuned into a cup draw because of who may or may not be pulling the balls from the bowl? Be more honest, unless there's a chance of another car-crash appearance from Rod Stewart, do you care who makes the draw in the future?
No, of course you don't. All you really care about is who your team gets ... and hope it's a home draw (if you are a Rangers(2012) fan that's virtually guaranteed).
The social media hashtag employed by the Scottish Football Association and William Hill for the Scottish Cup is #unrivalled ... if they mean in terms of utter are-clenching embarrassment, they might just be on to something.
And it's not just the premier cup competition in Scotland that's the issue.
In the last few seasons we've had...
- A ball that opened prematurely ... causing the whole League Cup draw to be made again.
- An ex-Hibernian manager unable to tell the difference between a six and a nine (on a ball which contained the wee "this way up" line).
- A pished septuagenarian (wherever DO Casualty and The Bill get their ideas for portraying the Scots as drunken dafties?).
And let's not forget ... every draw that has ever been is swiftly followed by accusations of hot/cold ball syndrome.
So why not bring Scottish Football kicking and screaming into the twenty-first century? If we're not going to bring in technology to help out our hapless/hopeless referees (delete as applicable), why not at least try it out with cup draws?
If you really NEED a celebrity involved ... fine: but why not just invite one along? Why not just ask them to ceremonially say "good luck", push a button to start the draw ... and exit stage left?
As far as I'm aware, nobody has ever accused the National Lottery draw machines of picking balls unfairly, so why not bring that method into ensuring that our cup draws are free of controversy?
The drama would still remain the same. Fans will still curse the ether because they've been handed an away tie against Celtic.
But it would mean that we no longer have to suffer an endless stream of unwitting (not to mention unaware) comedy double acts being wheeled in front of the cameras in the hopes that somebody somewhere cares.